Day 445, Something You Know You Can't Live Without, Because You've Tried Living Without It

I doubt there is anything I couldn't really live without---except maybe air, water, and food..... but let's face it, there are some things that I just don't WANT to live without. Family goes without saying---that's just a no-brainer. Same with my health. But beyond these biological and emotional necessities, there are some specific things I prefer NOT to live without.

(1) Bottled coke---in slush form please. There is  nothing like it!
 
(2) Plums---Santa Rosa variety, fresh off the tree. Fresh Santa Rosa plums are the one thing I rank higher than bottled coke. Now that says something!!

(3) Wind chimes.

(4) Access to water---the beach, a jacuzzi, a built-in swimming pool (in my own backyard preferably.)

(5) My piano.

(6) Scriptures

(7) Family pictures

(8) A rocking chair---I have to be able to move while I'm sitting.

(9) My toothbrush and Extra Peppermint gum. I detest bad breath!!!!!!

(10) Dogs. I love them.

(11) Books.

And finally,,,,

(12) Pen and Paper --- I love to write.....I must have a notebook with me at all times.

Day 444, A Hero That Has Let You Down

There was a time when I believed in Prince Charles and Lady Diana.

I lived millions of girls' dream through Princess Di. I believed in the fairy tale.

In Mindyland, it would have been great if they would have lived happily ever after. What a tragedy that turned out to be. I do recall feeling let down when I found out all was not well in paradise. I of course sided with the tortured Princess who had been duped by a cheating Prince.....but later I would discover that there were two sides to the story....and neither side lived up to the high expectations for which I held Royalty. I mean, heck, if you are to be stationed above everyone else in the country, shouldn't your morals, character, and virtue be beyond reproach?

My heroes are different now. My heroes are heroes because they don't let me down.
My mom and dad are heroes. They married young---ages 16 and 20 respectively---and have been married for 70 years. It's not that staying married in and of itself is heroic, but that they still love each other.

President Spencer W. Kimball is a hero.
President Hinckley is a hero. Sister Hinckley is a hero.
President Monson is a hero.
Jeffrey R. Holland is my hero, because he always speaks directly to my soul.

The pioneers who traveled across the plains are heroes.


My husband is a hero.
My children are heroes.
Those who face their battles with dignity and grace are heroes.
Those who rise each time they fall---those are heroes.
Those who push forward when everyone and everything around them says to give up---those are heroes.


If you think about it, there truly is no shortage of heroes. True heroes~!!
So why focus on the one that let you down?

Let's raise our glass to all the true heroes of the world :-)

Day 443, A Band or Artist That Got You Through Some Tough Times...

Before I respond to today's prompt, I thought I'd share a brief update on our house....AND on my book~~!!

First, the house. Moving right along, wouldn't you say? This weekend we selected our flooring, and it won't be long now until they begin putting up the sheet rock. Today we decided a balcony is definitely happening~! Not right away, but as soon as possible. A balcony will kill two birds with one stone....It will give us access to an unexpectedly awesome view, and it will provide a cover to our patio (something we were already planning to do). Today I climbed the scaffolds and caught a glimpse of what the view would be from a balcony; that was the end of that!

Now, about my book. The publisher sent me the edited version to read through, approve, and add any last minute changes. I am nearly 200 pages into it, and I am blown away by the subtle, yet powerful changes that the publisher has made. In most cases, she used my own words, but changed their placement within a sentence or paragraph, and voolah! Awesome! Something else that is pretty cool, is that I am enjoying reading the book again. It has been a year since I worked on it, and I was a bit nervous about having to read it again....fearful that I might find it lame or "cheesy." To my surprise, that has not been the case. I actually stop periodically and think, Wow. I wrote that! That's pretty cool. It is great to get back into my character's heads, and to reunite with them. They are so real to me~!

It is still surreal to think I will hold this book in my hands someday soon. A real book. That is definitely one of my "happy thoughts."

Okay... So now to the prompt. There are more than a few songs or artists that have gotten me through some difficult times. Usually, those difficulties are self-imposed, and at my age, I can safely say I have had a few of them. Here are a few songs/artists that have helped to lift me up when I've been down:

(1) The Theme from Mahogany by Diana Ross. This was waaaay back in the mid-70's; back in my "trying to find myself" teenage angst days. "Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know?" Hahahaha... I swear I think this song pushed me to a near mental breakdown.... but one that had a profound impact. I did not like the person I was, or the path I was on, this song planted the seed for a life-changing paradigm shift. Thank goodness~~!

(2) Queen! Particularly, "Bohemian Rhapsody." I mean really, who can listen to that song without turning up the radio and singing at the top of their lungs? No matter WHAT is going on in your life, it will give you a few moments of joy (although, that's a bit of an mystery, since the words are not very uplifting).

(3) Amy Grant! Love her! Loved her very much in the mid-80's when her Age to Age album came out. That album made my Spirit happy, and it made me feel closer to God. Thanks Amy.

(4) Twila Paris! Can't name Amy and leave Twila out of the running. Her album, The Warrior is a Child, is one of the best albums ever! The title song describes exactly how it feels when you are discouraged from battling Satan's armies. "I drop my sword and cry for just a while, 'cuz deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child." But you know, we never fight that battle alone. "Fear not. For those that be with us are more than those that be with them" 2Kings 6:14.

Also from Twila was the song, "Praise Him." It is a song that always lifts my Spirit.

(5) The Mormon Tabernacle Choir! Ah yes!! Instant medicine for the troubled, injured soul. One of the songs that made a significant impact on me is "O Divine Redeemer." When I played this for Ron the first time, I spoke the words for him, and they moved me so much that I just cried. I knew the song had been written about me. Here are some of the phrases contained in the song (not in order)---"Oh, turn me not away. Receive me though unworthy." "Haste Thee Lord, haste to help me." "I pray Thee grant me pardon, and remember not, remember not oh Lord, my sins." "Oh Divine Redeemer, have mercy! Help me my Savior." 

(6) "Spirit in the Sky" Ah yes! Always puts a smile on my face,,,, no matter how dark the skies. Just gotta include the first two verses here.... You know you know the words... So SING!!!!

When I die and they lay me to rest 

Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best

Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best

(6) And finally----Me. I am not a band, and I am definitely not a singer!! But I play the piano, and in that I find rest. It is great therapy.


I am sure I could go on about artists and/or songs that lift my soul and get me through hard times, but this post is already way too long. If you are still reading, then here is my closing statement: Music is such an important part of my life; it is no surprise that I turn to music for strength.

Day 442, Something You Never Get Compliments On

Nobody has ever called me "Christ-like." That is my ultimate goal, and one that is far beyond my current reach. I am working on it, and sometimes when I think I am making progress, something or someone comes along to humble me on the spot. I am afraid I am a rough stone with some very jagged edges.

Being Christ-like requires patience.

Hahahaha... Patience is definitely something I rarely get complimented on.

People have told me several times that I am extremely patient with my children. Really? I suppose to outsiders, it might appear that way, but if you ask my children if they think I am patient with them, they will laugh in your face. I am patient with my students. Most of the time. I am patient with my grandkids....pretty much always. I think that pretty much is it.

While we're on the subject, here are ten things for which I definitely have NO PATIENCE:

(1) people who text and drive;
(2) the drive-thru at Del Taco----Why does it take soooooo long to get a taco and a coke?
(3) gum that loses its flavor too quickly;
(4) people who insist on talking all the way through a movie;
(5) coke that has gone flat;
(6) warm milk;
(7) lazy teachers who don't really care about their students;
(8) people who constantly put themself and/or others down;
(9) people who cannot complete a ..... you know, they start to say..... like this one person, she will start to say something, but then she..... you know what I mean?
(10) not having a goal.

I had breakfast with a friend this morning.... She told me that when I have a goal, LOOK OUT.... because I will bulldoze anyone who gets in my way. That is a trait that may be effective in some settings, but can be horrible in others. I never view myself as this type of person. Goal driven, yes. Task oriented, yes. Determined, absolutely. But I never thought of myself as inconsiderate, uncaring, or disloyal. Suspecting that others may see me in this negative light makes me realize that I still have a long way to go in my quest to become a Christ-like person.

"And miles to go before I sleep."

Day 441, Something People Seem to Compliment You the Most On

Golly, this would have been much easier to answer 30 years ago ~~! Back then, I was complimented most on my flat stomach. Bah Hah Hah~~~!! Sadly, not anymore. Back then, I was complimented on having long, pretty eyelashes. Ugh! Yeah. Not so much after passing age 40. Back then, I was complimented on my ability to learn new things quickly. That was before technology. Back then, I was complimented on my piano playing---that was back when I actually played more than once a month.

Oh, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This is just the effects of the passages of time.

Here are a couple things I get complimented on now-a-days:

(1) My beautiful children---This really has nothing to do with "me" per say, but it is my most favorite compliment.

(2) My organ playing---I play loud, and apparently it helps keep people awake during church :-)

(3) My ability to teach---both in secular and spiritual settings. I give all the credit to God.

(4) The softness of my skin---Yes! I am a Jergen's girl all the way. I used to pretend I was doing commercial for them when I was young. Who knew I would still be a Jergen's girl some 40 years later? Ron loves my skin.... And I LOVE that he does~~! I admit, it really IS soft :-)


(5) My enthusiasm. Kelli Sunderland calls them camera moments. Click, click~@! Sometimes it is very contagious.

(6) Writing a novel and getting it published. I'm pretty excited about this. Let's hope the reviewers find it worthy of a compliment.

Some things I will likely NEVER be complimented on:

(1) My driving
(2) My ADD
(3) RAKs --- (Yeah, you know, those random acts of kindness that I suck at!!)
(4) My driving (It really is worth two mentions.)
(5) My closets and drawers (Look out!! It's dangerous in there~~!@+!)

I suppose it is all about balance, right? Ya win some. Ya lose some.

I can live with that.

Day 440, Someone You Need to Let Go, Or Wish You Didn't Know

I got nothing on this one. There is probably someone I need to let go,,,,but I could never say I wish I didn't know them. I believe we learn from everyone who crosses our path; if nothing more than to give us experience. We are the sum of all our experience; therefore, to press the delete button on someone would change the outcome.

Nope. I can't think of anyone I would wipe out of my life.

Day 439, Somebody You Didn't Want to Let Go, but Just Drifted

When I make friends, It is always my expectation that the friendship will last forever. I never look at a true frienship as a temporary alliance. Over the years, there have been many people who were close to me, but later drifted. It is generally a result of them moving away.

Julie Clark. Tamela Mailing. Kimberly Dolan. Theresa Nielson. Tammy Hallberg. These are ladies who played a significant role in my life. They are ladies I still love, even though I haven't seen or spoken to some of them in over 20 years. They are women that I once felt as close to as any sisters could feel. I cried when they moved away; I did not want to let them go.

Then there is "Sue," (I will call her that to keep from using her real name). Sue is someone I used to work with. Thanks to a series of unfortunate events and misunderstandings, I have recently had to face the fact that she no longer considers me her friend. This week, I made a conscious decision to let her go. It is not easy for me; I don't make friends easily, and I don't like the feeling that I somehow let her down. Well, I wish her the very best, and who knows, maybe someday she will want to be friends again.

Day 438, Someone Who Has Made Your Life Hell or Treated You Like @@!#!@

There are two names that readily come to my mind with this prompt. Elaine, and Sundown.

I have already given Elaine some air time in a previous blog, so I will make this brief. Elaine was responsible for dragging me into court repeatedly. I allowed myself to be victimized by her, and that made my life hell for period of time. I got over it. I became stronger because of it. BUT,,, she hurt my kids and treated them in ways that no child deserves to be treated. I must admit that I am pleased that she is no longer in the picture. Good riddens I say. That sounds very un Christ-like, so I must apologize. Someday, perhaps I will be able to see things through her eyes.

The second person that comes to mind is Sundown Colbert. Aye aye aye!! He began his bullying tactics on me when I was Kindergarten. He used to push my friend, Nancy, and me down on the rocks when we got off the bus on our way home from school. My mother always dressed me in leotards and dresses, so this was especially problematic. I came home with torn stockings more than once. What was his problem? Oh, who knows. He was a bully. He would threaten me if I did not pick him for sharing time, which I never did. I would know that he was going to push me down after school, but I was not going to pick him!!

Later, when I was in Jr. High, Sundown's bullying rose to a whole new level. One afternoon he "summoned" me to his garage---sent his cronies to escort me (just like a true mob boss.) That's when he informed me that if I did not agree to go steady with him, he would rape the _____ out of me. Was I scared? Surprisingly not as much as you might think. There was a little part of me that worried, but for whatever reason, that part of me could not silence the part of me that told him to go to hell. Ah youth! In some ways I admire the fact that I never let Sundown's bullying scare me into some weak, submissive victim, but I resented the fact that I had to deal with him repeatedly from the ages of 4-15. He finally decided to focus his efforts on more important things like drug dealing and grand theft. His father was a Hell's Angels...His mother was a sweetheart. His little brother was a nice kid. Go figure.

I always wondered what became of Sundown. Last I heard he was in prison, or dead, or something like that. If I could spend ten minutes with him now, I would ask him one question. Was it worth it?

Day 437, Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

I never thought much of my own mortality as a youth or young adult. I took chances on ski slopes, drove wrecklessly, accepted a ride from a total stranger, and did silly things that could potentially be harmful to my health. The idea that my life mattered was foreign to me. Don't get me wrong, I knew that my parents would be devastated if anything every happened to me. They had already lost two daughters; I was their only living girl, and I had no desire to cause them pain. Yet, I openly resented and rebelled against all their attempts to set boundaries for me. I'm not proud about that---it is proof of my stupidity and immaturity at the time.

But everything changed when I was 25 years old. Reason? Raechel. I remember, clearly, how knowing I was carrying a child redefined my sense of purpose. Suddenly, everything I did mattered. It mattered because I there was someone relying on me. Truly. It was up to me to keep my unborn child safe, healthy, protected---and then, once she was born, she was dependent on me for everything. Raechel brought to my life an entirely new dimension---that of being a mom.

Since Raechel's birth, and subsequently, the birth of all my children, my life has mattered in ways I could never have imagined in the ignorance of my youth. My children bring me inexpressible joy, and they have taught me how to love. Motherhood has given me a glimpse into Eternity and into the very reason for mortality. It is a gift for which I am forever grateful, and definitely makes my life worth living.

That's a good thing :-)

Day 436, Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

I hope I never have to eat macaroni and cheese again.

I hope I never have to eat squid or liver.

I hope I never have to walk in a sewer tunnel.

I hope I never have to swim in icy water.

I hope I never have to try to outrun an erupting volcano or a psunami wave.

I hope I never have to wear my eyeglasses on a chain around my neck.

Other than that, I'm pretty much open to most things :-)

Day 435, Something You Want to Do in Your Life

Ron says I only get one.... Ha~~~!! No way darling. This is one area where I do not believe in limits :-)++
So here goes.... and these are not in order of priority.

Write books~~! More than that.... become a well-known author.

Travel to Germany, England, Italy, and France.


Have a built-in pool in our backyard.

Go back to Hawaii,,,and bring the family.

Be sealed to Ron.

End my career in education as an instructional leader---perhaps as the director of curriculum & instruction. Yeah, that would be cool.

Own a baby grand piano.
Yup. This one will do :-)

By the way, I wrote my list, and then asked Ron and Ellen what they thought I would say. They got all but two of them.

Day 434, Something You Need to Forgive Someone For

There really isn't anything I can think of.....


A very long time ago, in a lifetime far, far, away.... I discovered that if I want to be forgiven for all of my mis-doings---be they sins of commission or omission, then I need to speedily forgive others. This includes those who have wronged me---or someone I love. Knowing that, believing that, is one thing, but when it comes to your children, it is a very difficult principle by which to live.
Elaine is someone who hurt my children. Forgiving her has been a particular challenge for me, but I believe that ship has finally sailed. Time has a way of doing that.

It really all boils down to mercy.
I am a huge fan of mercy :-)

Day 432, Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

Nothing. Truly.

Forgiveness is required of all of us....including forgiveness of self. This is easy for me to say now, after years of struggling with guilt, but only because I am finally beginning to understand God's infinite love. 

So, instead of answering this prompt as it is written, I will tell you something I had a difficult time forgiving myself for. The "first thing that comes to my mind" in response to this prompt is my divorce. Naturally, after thinking it through, I can come up with several things that are less cliche' and definitely more profound, but there it is.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am exceedingly fulfilled, happy, and content with my life. But that fulfillment came with a heavy price tag. That's the nature of the beast. I regret that innocent lives were turned upside down and tender hearts broken as a result. Thankfully, the story didn't end there. God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, knows how to rebuild hearts, homes, families, lives.

It is said that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My family is evidence that this is true. My children survived...In fact, they are like the Phoenix---they have overcome and risen above the wreckage. They are strong and determined, and their faithfulness is a constant source of inspiration to me.

I believe that mercy and grace go hand in hand. Forgiveness is a product of mercy, salvation a product of grace. God is the source of both. When you understand these principles, forgiveness is no longer optional; instead, it is the natural fruit born of faith.

Day 431, Something You Love About Yourself

Today's prompt is perhaps even more difficult than yesterday's prompt, only for very different reasons. After all, we spend our whole lives being told that we should not toot our own horn; it's just wrong. Right. And yet, we are also taught that before we can love others, we have to first learn to love ourselves. So, I say, "Toot away!"

One thing I love about myself is my feet. They aren't too big, they have a nice overall shape, they are feminine, the nailbeds are even, the length of my toes descend in perfect proportion, and my arches have just the right amount of curve. All in all, I would say my feet are sexy...especially when freshly manicured.

Hmmmm. I like this game. May I go on? Oh, don't worry, I'm just kidding. Afterall, there's a time to toot, and a time to refrain from tooting ;-)

Hahaha.... I crack myself up.

Day 430, Something I Hate About Myself.....

How is that for a headline?

I am taking up the challenge to do the "30 in 30" blog posts. It was a little bit of a let down once I met my blog a day for a year goal, and since then my posts have been spuratic at best. So,,, here goes.

Day One---The prompt is "Something you hate about yourself."

This is NOT getting off to a good start in my book. I mean, really..... I am almost 50 years old.... how is that prompt even fair? 

The truth is, the older I get, the less I find to "hate" about myself. I am just so grateful to be alive, healthy, and happy, that to focus on the negative makes me feel like I am whining. That said, something I hate about myself is that I forget the little things in life that mean so much to others.....like birthdays. I'm horrible at that! I have all the good intentions in the world---send a card, a note, a phone call, good grief---a text for pete's sake. It is the little things that let people know they are important to you, that you care, that you have their best interests at heat. I know this, but inevitably, I become so wrapped up in my own world, so focused on everything that is going on in "Mindyland," that I forget to put others first.

There is a scene in "It's a Wonderful Life" where Uncle Billy has to tie strings around his fingers in order to remember things, but he forgets what the strings are there for, and he ends up missing George and Mary's wedding. Whenever I see that scene, there is a little part of me that cringes. It just hits a little too close to home.

So yeah, that is one thing that I hate about myself.

Till next time....

Day 429: This is the house that Jack built....

Granted, this may not look like much, in this picture, but seeing these "sticks" made my heart swell---like the Grinch, it grew, and grew, and grew. I don't really know who "Jack" is, or why he decided to build a house. No. When I look at this picture, I see the house that God built. Okay, obviously he isn't done yet, but that's just the point, isn't it?

When I uprooted my little family and moved to Temecula, we were all broken vessels. My children had suffered through a painful divorce, parents who could no longer be civil to one another, a father who had decided that it was best if he was out of the picture for a while, and a mother who had no clue who she really was, or where she was going. To make matters worse, they were being torn from their grandparents, the only stable force in their lives, and away from their friends. The final icing on the cake was that their mother married someone new---someone who would hold them to high, perhaps seemingly unreasonable expectations, and then dig his heels in when they resisted.
That is a lot to ask of young children.

So, Ron and I bought a home. It was a dream home by our standards....lovely views, cul-de-sac, and affordable. It was the absolute best we could do with what we had. It was enough. It was the beginning of life as we know it.

Nine years later, here we are. No more broken vessels. And we are buying a new house---one that is under construction as we speak.

Here it is today.

My daughter believes this house is symbolic of what God has done with us over the past nine years. He turned us into a family. She shared this quote from C.S. Lewis, which I believe says it all:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seems to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of. Throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." - C.S. Lewis.


This is our palace---For now. Symbolic of God's work with our family so far.

I can't wait to see it finished.

Day 428: "Men are that they might have joy."

My Missionary Son :-)

My Son the Elder



So, it has been a month and a couple days. Why is that? Certainly not because there is nothing to say!! On the contrary, there is far too much to say. That, you see, is the problem.

There is big news on the home front---We are moving in June. As soon as my darling daughter sends me the C.S. Lewis quote that I somehow sent to cyberspace, I will post a very profound message, with an update on the progress of our new house. I am looking forward to clearing out the clutter and packing for the move. Yes, you read that correctly. It won't be easy; afterall, we've been here for nine years. Nine years. That is the longest I have lived in one house since the days of my childhood. Telling. But more on the house saga later.

Change seems to happen in clusters. In the next few months, I will change homes, change jobs, and my book will be released (finally). My son is serving a full time mission. My other son is working hard at BYU. My daughter has an awesome job and a very handsome hottie that gets hit on by waiters. My other daughter is driving and will be the district representative for her school next year. My mom and dad are cute as can be. My husband keeps a perpetual smile on my face. And my friends make sure I eat lunch at least once a month---so they can see something besides the back of my head (inside joke there).

All this, and General Conference less than two weeks away. Then, to top it off, Women's Conference is just around the corner, which means a trip to Utah for me...and time with Raechel and Andrew.

The sun is shining, the grass is green, my sweetheart loves me, and my car is clean.

Come on, what more could one ask for?

(A best-seller)----Did I say that out loud?

That's my boy!

Here is the most recent picture of Taylor in the MTC... This is his self-portrait...The photo is flipped (sorry about that,) but it is his version of him with a 12-pack. Hahaha!! That's something I'd truly love to see :-)

For some reason, I really love this one!

 

Here  he is with his two companions at the temple. I do not hear from him nearly enough! I stole these pictures from Ashley's blog...That's where I go when I want to know what's really happening with that kid! I am glad he is writing her, but hope his focus is where it needs to be the rest of the time. It will be truly interesting to see the changes that occur when he actually gets into the field and begins his missionary work. I hope he never loses that uniqueness that is his alone; at the same time, I look forward to seeing him mature and grow from boy to man. Somehow I think even then, he will manage to keep his inner child alive.

Ah,,, here is a photo that captures the Taylor we all know and love! I have a thousand of these shots through the years! That kid could (and did) fall asleep anywhere.... In the corner, on the toilet (yep, I said toilet!), in his high chair, in the middle of the floor... it didn't matter. All you had to do, was get him to sit still for 2 minutes, and "lights out for Taylor!" Ah, memories~~!!

What's going on in my life? Ron and I are in the middle of trying to buy a new home. That warrants a blog of its own. It is amazing the irony of what qualifies people for a loan these days. Well, there is definitely more to follow on this subject....I will keep you posted.

Day 427, Really?

Day 426: That's My Boy!!

These are the kinds of things that make mom's cry. Here is my son--Elder Taylor Logan in a self-portrait. You know what? It actually looks like him :-) I bet if I were to search hard enough through his scapbook (that would imply that I am one of those really cool moms that keep scrapbooks for their kids....so you know this is purely a hypothetical statement,) I would find another drawing similar to this from when he was little tike, dreaming of serving a mission someday. This drawing, which I totally stole from his girlfriend's blog, seems to capture Taylor's personality. Man, I just love that kid!!

Day 425: The King's Speech

Are you a Colin Firth fan? I am. I have enjoyed his movies ever since his performance as the amazing Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. True, not all of his films are a "must see," some are just tongue-in-cheek ridiculous. But his latest film, The King's Speech, is far and away his most amazing performance ever. He plays King George VI, the King of England who had a horrible speech stammer.

I realize this does not sound like the premise for a happening movie....I mean what the heck? There's no action, no violence, no sex, no romance, no devious plotters trying to pull off the crime of a century. Perhaps that's why it won't do well at the box office. This is a movie about a real life person...who just happens to be the Duke of York...and 2nd in line to the throne. His battle with the embarrassment of his stuttering problem became particularly monumental with the invention of radio. His struggle with his problem made him a real-life underdog. His courage drove him to face his challenge, even though in doing so, he risked public humiliation and worse, being mocked by his own family members.

I found myself cheering the humble King on....nervous for him every time he faced the microphone. I do not overstate it when I say I walked out of the theatre feeling enriched. Very few movies have done that for me in the past. Too often, I walk away from movies feeling offended or dirty....like I need a bath. This one is different.

The honest truth is, it never occured to me that this was an "R" rated movie. I didn't know it ahead of time, and I never gave it a thought thereafter, until I told my 15-year-old that I wanted her to see it. "Mom, it's rated R!" That was a complete shock to me. So I'll tell you... If you have made the personal committment to not watch R-rated movies, then I will not encourage you to break your committment. But I will tell you exactly why this one got an R-rating. There is no immodesty. There is no violence. There are no immoral scenes. All is quite proper, in fact. But... as the Duke becomes frustrated with himself during his one-on-one lessons with his speech therapist, he let's a few words fly....It's done in a totally non-offensive way, and is most humorous...definitely not directed at another person in any way. He finds that when he cusses, he doesn't stammer... so he uses that to help him prepare for a big speech. That's it. That is the whole reason the movie was given its "R" rating.

So... if you are up for something different....and you love Collin Firth (by the way, some of our favorites from Harry Potter are in there too..... Dumbledore, Wormtail, and Bellatrix LeStrange,) and you do not need sex, violence, drugs, loud action, or romance in order to enjoy a movie,,,, then I highly recommend you pay the money to see this one at the theatre, and lend your support to the making of truly, high-quality, classic movies..... Something we are sorely lacking these days.

Day 424: Furlough!

Work Reduction Days....That's how they are listed on our district's calendar. Days that you don't work....and don't get paid. It's a "nicer" way to cut somebody's pay....bottom line. The part they don't tell the public, is that we still have to do the same amount of work; we just have less time to do it. The result? We do the impossible; we really don't have any other choice.

The back-handed irony of it all, is that if and when the furlough days are lifted, it "feels" like a raise.

So how did I spend my furlough day? You're looking at it! It's my most favorite way of relaxing.... A beautiful pool, private jaccuzzi, warm sunshine, a gentle breeze, and nobody else around. Me. My book. My towel. And quiet. It's almost worth the amount of money I lost by not working yesterday.


The only thing that could have made it better was if my family was close by, enjoying the day as much as I was. That's a 5-Star day in my book.


How would you spend a furlough day?

Day 423: Elder Logan, Part deux!

I've been working on a blog update for about a week now, but I can't seem to get it right...so I haven't posted it. I'm a little confused...now that I have two blogs...as to what I should say on which blog. So... I end up finger tied and saying nothing. So much of my personal life overlaps with my professional life that I have a difficult time separating the two.

Here's one update I don't need to over analyze. Yesterday, Taylor reported to the MTC and began his 2-year mission. It still has not sunk in to me that he is really gone. I've been comparing what it was like when Andrew reported to the MTC to how it feels now with Taylor. I recall the day Andrew reported very vividly... It was one of the most joyous days of my life. I was utterly overwhelmed with joy; there's just no other way to put it. I knew that he was fulfilling a life-long dream, and knowing that added to my happiness. Andrew was born determined that he would serve a mission---in fact, he came out of the womb holding a sign that said, "Future Missionary," and pretty much every decision he made was congruent to that goal.

Taylor is different. Taylor, who has an amazing ability to turn every hair on my head prematurally gray, had a unique kind of congruency. With him, I could never see beyond the here and now...beyond the moment. Each day was racked with the unknown. In my soul, I have always sensed he was a special spirit since before he was born, but at the same time, I couldn't help but worry about his future.

And here we are. He is a missionary. Letting him go was like severing a limb. It was extremely emotional for me.... joyful of course, but deeply emotional. I feel a little like Hannah in the Old Testament. I can sense Heavenly Father saying to me, "Mission accomplished. Thank you." That is a very comforting feeling as I turn my son over to the Lord.

I for one, am excited to see this boy grow during the next two years as he "blooms where he is planted." That saying, "Bloom where you are planted," is one I stole from the movie, "Facing the Giants," and I love it. It incapsulates so much of what I have been struggling with this year in bothh my personal and professional life.

But more on that later!! For now, it's Goodbye Taylor....Hello Elder Logan!

Here we go again!

Day 422: Before & After

There is such a sense of cleansing & renewal when I put my house back in order after Christmas. Here are just a few examples:

Before:

 After:

Before:

 After:

Before:

After:

And finally..... Before:

After:



That about sums it up... don't ya think?

I am officially declaring a National Day of Rest!

Day 421: "It was the best of times...."

The New Year has officially begun---Welcome 1/1/11! There are many unknowns in store for me this year, that's for sure. For one, I have no idea where I will be when the 2011-2012 school year begins. TOSA? Admin? Classroom? District Office? Site? Middle School? Elementary? Much remains to be determined....I am quite curious to see it play out.

And then there's my book. I will actually hold in my hand a published copy of my book. I cannot imagine how cool that is going to be. Definitely will be on my top ten of all time.

Another coming attraction for 2011 is that Taylor will leave for his mission. I am excited for him, naturally, but I am going to go through some major withdrawls when he leaves. I will miss him a lot more than anyone realizes.
Taylor leaves on 1-11-11..... How cool is that?

Enough of the previews for 2011, let's move on to the moments that topped my best and worst lists in 2010-----They are not in any particular order.

Top 10:
1) April 13th, I received the news that my book would be published! Yipppeeeee!
2) April --- I attended Raechel's graduation from BYU! That was amazing in and of itself... but what really blew me away was when she honored me with the gratitude sash. That was a moment I will treasure forever.
3) June 4th, I began a new chapter in my career. I left the classroom and became a Special Education TOSA. (This event makes both my lists....truly it has proven to be the both the best and worst of times!)
4) July 19th, I finally got to go on my dream vacation to Hawaii! Maui! Wow! That was the most incredible vacation of my life.

5) July --- I snorkeled for the first time.... and I SNUBA'd for the first time. Yes, I realize this is sort of cheating because I already counted the Hawaii trip.... but these two events were such personal triumphs for me, that they deserve their own spot on my year's best moments.
6) September 22, Andrew came home from his mission. Embracing him at the airport was a moment of the most exquisite joy I could ever have imagined. It gave me a glimpse of the joy to be experienced in Heaven.

7) September, Taylor received his call to the Tucson, AZ-Spanish mission.

8) November, All my family was together for Thanksgiving. I loved having the chickens back in the nest, even if just for a brief moment.

9) December 19, I led our Ward Choir in a Christmas Cantata. This, by itself, might not have made the list of my favorite moments....but my family was in the choir. Ron included. The choir performed so beautifully that it brought tears to my eyes.
10) Christmas. Ronnie, Kelly, & their kids....Ryan, Jen, Jane....Raechel, Andrew, Taylor, Ellen....all together ... and then Christmas day with my parents and Wes & his family. My mom and dad looked young again on Christmas day....and that was a beautiful gift.

Honorable mentions----buying my new car, having friends take me out to lunch on my birthday, traveling to St. George with Ron, Disneyland with Joyce, Charlene, and Judi, Women's Conference with Raechel... (That is always one of my favorite times of the year,) finishing my blog-a-day for a year, and being released as RS President (that one also makes both lists.)

Now for the "Not-so-wonderful" moments:

1) I was released as RS President. Yes, it was a blessing....but it came with a price. The spiritual let down was drastic....and I still have not fully recovered from it. I experienced a spiritual void like nothing I had ever known before.
2) Jane's surgery. Again... it was a blessing. She came through it with flying colors. But seeing her with a surgical scar across the entire width and length of her tiny little chest was heart breaking.
3) Taylor broke his leg and ended up having to postpone leaving on his mission for 6 weeks. Yep, you got it... this was a hidden blessing too....because I got to have all my family together for Christmas, and Christmas definitely made my top 10 wonderful moments.
4) I left the classroom. Blessing, yes. Curse, absolutely. I miss the classroom...I miss being at a site...I miss kids. I miss my gig at GMS. True, I am learning much and growing as a professional. This is a good thing. But growth is often painful.
5) Getting the letter that ripped me to pieces just before Thanksgiving break. No need to remind me that this turned out to be a great opportunity for personal revelation, not to mention a faith-building experience, but again, the growth was painful.

Well, I suppose I should stop there. It is abundantly clear that most of my "not-so-favorite" moments turned out to be powerful learning experiences that were very positive, so I really cannot complain. Clearly, God's hand has been in my path throughout the entire year. That's cool.

Okay... I've got a sleeping baby that will wake up in about 4 hours.....and if I don't get some sleep, I will be insanely grouchy tomorrow.... Time to shut it down for the night.... and for the year (2010, that is.) Tomorrow I will tell you my pics for best and worst movies of 2010. Now c'mon, isn't that worth a trip back?

Happy 1/1/11 Everyone!

Day 420: The great debate

Nothing like a friendly debate over the existence of God to get the blood pumping and the emotions rising. Well,,, I cannot say debate, because in my case, it is usually more like a trial. I'm the defendant, answering to the prosecuting attorneys. That's okay. I have God as my judge; I can live with that.

The debate is not God vs. science. That's absurd. The two are not mutually exclusive. A true believer is never threatened by advancements in science...rather, they welcome them. They know that many advancements in science are the direct result of God-given inspiration. No. The debate is simply on whether or not there is a God. Scientific proof is out of the debate. Science will never prove there is no God. Neither will it prove there is. That is not, nor ever was, the role of science in our Universe. Science is about questions. Faith is about answers. The two make marvelous companions.

My belief in God is not based on faith alone. It is also based on evidence. It is the evidence of things not seen which are true. And it has surrounded me throughout my entire life. In fact, the evidence of God's role in my life is so blatantly transparent, that to deny it would require a total disregard and lack of respect for the truth.
I realize that what I am about to say may offend some people. I sincerely apologize for that in advance. But this is my blog, so I don't need permission to speak from my heart.


Try as I might, I have a low tolerance for people who think they are doing me a favor by giving me permission to believe what I want to believe. Oh. Thank you. I was worried about that. As if!!
Here's the deal....You don't want to believe in God, that's your choice. We all have God-given agency to choose for ourselves what we will and won't believe. I don't need anyone to "allow" me to believe what I want. So do not patronize me by setting yourself up as someone who is superior and therefore has the right to tell me it's okay for me to believe how I wish. Kiss my San Antonio rose buds!

Here's something I find quite interesting, and I see it all the time---usually followed by a raised eyebrow and a bitten tongue. Someone on Facebook, or in a mass text or e-mail, asks that everyone pray for their sick friend or relative in one breath, and then in another, say they do not believe in God. Really. Are you serious? If you are truly an atheist, then it's hypocritical to ask others to pray on your behalf. These same people won't give God the credit if their loved one gets better. But oh man.... if they take a turn for the worst, then they will claim it is evidence that God does not exist. Am I the only one who finds this hypocritical?
Truth is, deep down, everyone knows there is a God. Something bigger than this world. They may not define him. They may not understand him. They may not know him. They may not give him a name, face, or image. They may want nothing to do with him. But in their soul, they know that God is. Period. They choose NOT to believe. It is not the other way around. Believers do not choose to believe. They just believe. Simple. It's not a choice. The choice comes in choosing NOT to believe. Non-believers always want to lay the burden of proof on believers. That's a cop out. And guess what? You don't get to make the rules. This is the way it works. If you attack somebody's beliefs, the burden of proof lies with you, regardless of which side you represent.

So that's my rant for the night.

Tomorrow--a walk on the lighter side. Tommorow you get my year's best and worst. Movies, books, moments, etc. You know you want it :-)

Day 419: Countdown to my New Year's Resolution

I meant to include this picture in yesterday's blog... another of my "happy moments" on Christmas day. I am blessed with these two absolutely gorgeous daughters! I mean, just look at them!

Unfortunately, I did not have a new picture made of me with my two boys...that's a bummer, especially since Taylor will be gone for two years. I adore my little boys, who are not so little anymore!~! They make me laugh... and they seem to always know just the right buttons to push. This photo was taken when Andrew got home from his mission....Hard to believe he's been home for 3 months, and is already gone back to school. In two short weeks, Taylor will be gone too. I am going to miss my boys so much!

I miss them already.

There is nothing like having your children near. It's not that I need to be in the middle of everything they are doing, it's just knowing they are close by.... sometimes that's all I need.

How did they get so old? Just yesterday they were tiny. Now they are nearly all gone. I'm not sure I like that part of the plan. On the other hand, how will they ever know the joy that is mine unless they have children of their own? Hmmmm. Isn't that how it was in the Pre-existence? God wanted us to experience His joy, so he devised a plan... and here we are. More and more I glimpse how mortality is patterned after the world from which we all came. I can't help but wonder if I could ever possibly bring as much joy to my Heavenly Father as my children have brought to me. I imagine He finds joy in the same types of things we do as parents....seeing our kids grow up and make good life choices, seeing them serve and love each other, or seeing them strive to make each other smile. I believe that all the things that bring us joy as parents, also brings our Heavenly Father joy...only on a much grander scale beyond which I can possibly imagine.

So that leads me back to my failed goal of becoming a person who performs RAKs on a daily basis.

Momentarily forgotten? Yes. Worthy of another chance to get it right? Absolutely.

And thus the quest begins. Again.

Starting January 1st.

(That gives me two more days to be selfish.)

Cycles of a Crazy Lady: Day 418: The Gifts of Christmas Present

Cycles of a Crazy Lady: Day 418: The Gifts of Christmas Present

Day 418: The Gifts of Christmas Present

Count down to Christmas.... That is always the rule once Christmas vacation begins. To a non-professional, it may look like a frantic, stressful rush of wrapping, spending, baking, decorating, parties, deliveries, cyber-shopping... more wrapping, spending, and baking. Outsiders may find themselves wondering where is the joy in such chaos?

But this is what I live for....11 months out of the year.... for one month of the Christmas crazies.

My husband calls me "The Elf."

This year the theme was family.... Lots and lots of family. And what better way to celebrate than the gift of children? Old, young, I say the more the merrier.... It all adds to the chaos. I mean really, how do you put a price on a belly laugh like this one?

This is Kieran checking out the pooch with moving ears and singing to the tune of "I Feel Good!" Kieran is a bit perplexed, wouldn't you say?

Here's the reason for the belly laugh! Jane. She always keeps me laughing!

What would Christmas be without stockings?

This year we did something new with our stockings. Instead of having Santa fill them, we drew names to take over stocking duty.... Only there were rules. Rules. Something new, something used, something handmade, something edibile, round, square, practical, and a certain color. At first, this seem to stress some people out.... But in the end, I guarantee you we will remember not only the stocking we received, but the stocking we filled. This is a tradition I would like to repeat next year... with a few minor modifications.

By Christmas Eve, the preparations were done.... and what wasn't done, no longer mattered. This is the night we open our Christmas pajamas and take our obligatory picture in front of the flaming fire. It means that Christmas morning is one step closer! This is a tradition my parents started when my children were babies.... and hopefully, my kids will choose to keep it alive.

Next year.... Everyone is getting the most outrageously ridiculous Christmas pajamas we can find! And yes! They WILL wear them !!

Is it even possible that I neglected to mention food? Prime rib, superbly roasted on Christmas Eve... followed by the traditional ham/turkey dinner on Christmas day! Oh. And don't forget the pies. 4 pumpkin, 2 cherry, 2 apple. And still it wasn't enough. Add to that chocolate and about 8 batches of Aunt Ruth's famous fudge.

I sense my cholestral rising. Was that a heart palpitation I just felt?

My favorite moment? (Is there really only one?) Watching my family open their stockings. Seeing what it was that they gave to each other and made for each other. I found a certain joy in this that is unsurpassed by any memories of Christmases past.

Tied for first....

Family! The Morgans, Logans, and Hodges. It doesn't get any better than this in my Christmas fantasy.

I cried when I put the tree up.

I will cry when I take it down.

And then next year.... I will do it all again.

Merry Christmas everyone.

And to all a good night.

Day 417, 'Tis the Season

It's the season of joy... peace... All is calm. All is bright. Right? Then why do I feel like my insides are falling out?

For years I've had this dream that I wake up and realize it is Christmas Eve, and I have no tree, no gifts, no plans. In my dream, I experience this unparalleled sense of anxiety knowing that somehow I have missed Christmas. When I awake in the morning, it always takes a while for me to get my bearings and realize that Christmas is still months away.

Well, Christmas is less than two weeks away now, and I am having flashes of that anxiety. It doesn't stop me from enjoying the season....but it does cause me to lay awake at night.

On the work front, things are better. I am building bridges.... but that's a story for another day :-)

Three more days until Christmas vacation..... THAT is definitely something I am looking forward to!!